A Letter to Baurus
by DeadBusinessPeople
Summary: 12 years after the Oblivion Crisis the Champion of Cyrodiil decides to write a letter to their dear friend Baurus explaining why they left Cyrodiil the way they did. Mentions of past romance (Martin Septim/Hero of Kvatch) and angst. AU where Champ does not become Sheogorath.


My old friend,

It's been a long time since we last spoke to each other, hasn't it? 12 years to be exact. I'm sorry I didn't write to you sooner, it's just… you know how painful the past can be.

I miss you, I miss all of you at Cloud Ruler Temple. Hell, I even miss Jauffre; as grumpy as he can be. I wish I could see you guys again, maybe tease you all a bit about how old you guys look. Yet I'm afraid I cannot, for I know the moment I walk through those doors I will see the empty desk and be reminded once again of the kind, priest who used to occupy the space. Then I would be thrust into an unpleasant flood of memories all at once, which I do not know, nor want to know if I could handle again.

I know for certain that the desk is still there though; standing as a solemn reminder to the Blades of the last dragonborn whom they failed. Needless to say, it wasn't any of the Blades fault. It was my fault, I was charged with the task of ensuring he- Martin, became emperor and I failed. I failed him and I failed his father. What a fool I was, thinking that the Mythic Dawn would give up so easily after Cameron's death. It doesn't matter now, all the guilt and pain I feel won't bring him back.

You knew how much I loved him back then, didn't you? How could you not? After all, you were the one who personally insisted on keeping a constant, watchful eye on the would-be emperor. You were there when I would keep him company during those long, lonely nights in; the temple; teasing him in an effort to see that wonderful smile of his. You were there when we exchanged brief kisses after I came back from each of my missions. You were there when Jauffre found the two of us, in the morning, lying in bed together in each other's arms; blissfully sleeping. The expressions we wore on our faces when we woke up betrayed what had happened between the two of us that very night. The look on Jauffres face was priceless, wasn't it? And you constantly teased me for weeks about the whole incident. You were there when I came out of Mankar Camoran's paradise victoriously and saw when we ran straight into each other's warm embrace. Two lovers, glad to be reunited once more, but still fearful since the worst wasn't over yet. You were also there when...when he…. Well you know what happened.

So much has changed hasn't it? That day everyone saw how terrifyingly, beautiful Martin Septim was. The both of us though, we didn't need to see him become a dragon god to know that. His people had mourned him only for a short time and then they eventually moved on. Martin Septim and the rest of the Oblivion Crisis now lie in the history books. You and me though, we'll never forget what happened during those days. The friendship forged, the hardships endured, and the lives lost during those days will forever haunt our memories. While the whole world may move on; you and me my dear friend will still be stuck in the past.

I am truly sorry that I never bothered to reach out to you after all these years. I just... wanted to start a new life where I could look forward to a better future, instead of being constantly reminded of my past failures. I can never forget the past, but I could at least distance myself as far away from it as possible. Which meant that I had to cut off everyone I knew, which included you my friend. I am not asking for your forgiveness but I am just trying to let you understand why I made that decision. Cloud Ruler Temple practically grew a tomb in the middle of it, the Blades were constantly mourning their fallen emperor and I couldn't handle it anymore. I was tired of grieving, tired of looking into the faces of defeated men and women, tired of being reminded that I failed the love of my life. So I had made the decision to leave, you were the only person I told what I had planned to do. I promised you I was going to come back one day and I apologize for lying to you. I had never planned to go back to Cyrodiil. You have probably been so worried as to what happened to me. Maybe you had assumed I died, I do not know. Which is why I wrote this letter, I just wanted to let you know I am alive. This letter is long overdue but it is better late than never, right? I don't even know if you are alive, but I am still writing it just in case you are.

I bet all of Cyrodiil wondered what had happened to their Champion after the Crisis. I bet the rest of the Blades had wondered too. I was there for a moment and then I was gone. Did they make up myths about me friend? Did they speculate if I was some kind of divine being sent by the gods themselves? Or did they just simply overlook their Champion in favor of their dragon emperor? I hope it's the last one if anyone deserves to be remembered it is my dear Martin. The only thing that they will remember me by is that statue in Bruma, but even then that will one day be forgotten and will just be seen as some random statue that has always stood there in the city for some reason. It may seem far-fetched but I truly do hope they all forget me, it's likely they will in time. No one knows my name and only a few know how I actually look like. Once all of the Blades die then my memory will finally disappear from this mortal realm and only then will I truly find peace. Do my words trouble you friend, I am sorry if they do. I just wanted to be honest with you. Back then, the only thing that had kept me going, despite all the horrors I had endured, was my love for Martin. The kindness he showed towards me on that day I had rescued him from Kvatch was something I had never experience before in my life. I soon fell in love with everything about him; the way his eyes would crinkle a little at the corners whenever he smiled, the unwavering kindness he showed towards everyone he came across, his gentle way of manner, his humbleness, his selfless desire to save all of his people; my friend I could go on all day about the love that I had held for that man. But then that love was shattered that day in the Temple of the One. That day I felt pain unlike any I had ever experienced before and it almost made me want die. I thought I could amend my past mistakes by starting a new life with him, but now that is all gone. Now all that is left is a giant monument to my failures where everyone can see and remember how I failed to save Martin that day.

Which is why my one true wish in life is to be forgotten. I ask that you burn this letter after you have read it. But if you don't that is fine, a letter like this surely cannot stand the test of time. I am not someone who is worthy enough to be remembered. But despite all of my sorrowful wishes; I have not given in to despair, for funnily enough, the very thing that nearly destroyed me is what helps me to move on. For it is none other than love, that has kept me going throughout all these years. My love for Martin still lives on. It was mutilated, it was torn and it was broken in a horrible way, but it is still alive and breathing. Do not worry for me Baurus; for you see my love for Martin Septim has not left this world, it is still inside my heart and has been reborn in the form of a new love, so that grief does not consume my being. I wish you a long and happy life.

Yours Truly,

Champion

 **A/N: This is my first published fanfiction ever so… maybe leave a review if you enjoyed it? This story does not take place in my personal headcanon but rather was inspired by a post I saw on Tumblr. If you did not catch it, the way their love for Martin was reborn was in the form of a motherly love for a child; more specifically, theirs and Martins children. Yes I said children; for some reason I always imagine them having quadruplets…? Maybe the Divines took pity on them? I don't know. I like to imagine the HOK in this universe moved to an unknown village in Elsweyr and had their children. The whole village took pity on them and basically helped raised the children. Of course, they have no idea who their father is so maybe I will write something about how they found out. For certain though, I will write another chapter to this story about how Baurus reacted to receiving the letter so look out for that.**


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